This is take #2 on this devotional. I’m struggling to write this one as I try to bring emotions under control and deal with the core focus of trying to convey what God has laid on my heart. It has been a hard few weeks. We went from such optimism and great expectations for child #4 to learning we had twins, to losing them, all within such a short time. Even tonight as I write this, I feel a weary sadness that goes to my soul. But God is good.
A lot of folks say that as a cliche. It doesn’t have any real meaning to them at the time they say it. They say it because it’s something that you say at church. Now folks that do this don’t mean anything bad or wrong by doing so. They are simply repeating a fact that the Bible states in many places. And while I know God is good and I have experienced His goodness many times in my life, I am guarded in my use of that statement. I want to make sure that when I say it, if the person I’m saying it to suddenly turns and says, “Why do you say that?” I have a response ready, a testimony that is present, that is current, that shows God is working in the here and now. That way if I’m asked, I can help the person who asked me see a real example and life application of that phrase.
One of the things I learned as a physics and math major is it’s one thing to know something, as in to understand it conceptually, and quite another to know it, as in being able to apply it. I can recall taking a class my sophomore year at The Citadel on differential equations. I received a B in that course and that’s because I could see the pattern a particular math equation had and execute a series of steps to get the answer desired. I knew what I was doing conceptually. But if you asked me to then take those equations and the procedures I put them through and apply them to the world around us, I would have given you a blank stare. I wouldn’t have been able to do it. Fast forward to my senior year when I took another course called math modeling. Those differential equations I learned about sophomore year and the techniques I practiced back then were put into practice. Over the first few weeks of that senior year course I began to understand how to apply the equations. I began to see how to use them to make predictions on a variety of things from animal populations in the wild to traffic patterns along the interstate. I had gone from knowing to knowing in a way I could apply. And that’s the way I look at “God is good.”
My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.
– Psalm 62:5-8, NASB
Through the struggle that has been the last few weeks, the words contained in this psalm have resonated. When I have struggled to just come to grips with my grief, I remember that God is my rock and my salvation. When I feel like I can’t take it any more, I remember that Jesus is my refuge. I have heeded the command of the psalmist to trust Him in this time. I don’t understand why. But I understand that He knows. And I understand that He walks with me as I struggle along. I am not alone. His presence has been with me a lot through all of this. He is the reason I have been able to function. Even the little things seem so hard to do. A lot of times I feel like just curling up, pulling a blanket over my head, and trying to sleep away my troubles. But that won’t solve anything. And it’s then that I feel God encouraging me to get up, to get going, to live.
This is why I say, “God is good.” He is. In this time when I ache inside and out, He has been there and He continues to be here. He is my rock, my salvation, my stronghold, and my refuge. I have poured out my heart to Him. I continue to do so. It’s how I make it through each day.